Stewie the teenager!
by metallicanirvana
Summary: Stewie is now 16, goes to high school and has to deal with the normal teenage problems that every body has to face. He is constantly in a war between what is right and what is fun. Will he be up to his old tricks? Will he turn good for the sake of friends


Stewie

**Stewie**

About time my life started to pay off. I am a 16 yr old guy living in a shit town named Quahog. My family is ignorant and somewhat unsure about their stupidity. I finally got invited to a party, after years of disappointing friendships with imbeciles Stuart Gillian Griffin is going to a party.

"Hey Stewie," My mother says giving me a hug as I walk into the room. She acts like I'm still her precious little baby which I never was and would be damned if anyone classified me as it. I swear to Satan that I'll rip the head off anyone that says that and then puke down their throat, have sex with their head and then shove my vomit down their throat.

"Don't touch me you puddle of a homeless man's urine." I say rather annoyed and I walk into my room. Posters of thrash metal bands fill my room, it was obviously I would like something aggressive and rap isn't really all that great. Its such fast poetry and good beats but I mean who couldn't do that. I actually had a rap career when I was younger….

"_Hey, how we all doing today?" I ask holding my mic._

"_Play free bird… FREE BIRD!!" A insane fan screams._

"_But I play rap music, that's just how I roll… you know roll… Gee!! I roll like that you know, yup it's my roll for that is how rap rolls. Oh my god, I am so gangster!!."_

"_FREE BIRD! FREE BIRD!" The crowd starts chanting._

That was the end of my rap career, I wasn't really into it much anyways. I enjoyed my stand as a female prostitute more.

"_You looking for a good time?" I ask the man._

"_I'm a cop…" _

"_Oh fuck." I say as I run as the cop chases me._

Long story short, that job didn't last long either. That was my first client and I got in jail for a night or so. You know what, I have always wondered what would happen if I was a fish god that got feed cow utter mixed with pig vomit.

"_I mean it's not great and all but you imbeciles could have added some spices or something."_

"_I'm sorry sir…"_

"_Not as sorry as you are going to be." uses special fish powers to kill servants to the slaves who obey my commands because I am their fish god of edible sadness and sex and woman_

"A glaximex vagina is 3 ft tall and filled with razor blades, stupid priest thinks he can have sex with it." Dad says with a smirk, that came out of almost no where but nearly everything he says comes from no where. His brain is the size of a pea so I think it's the fat surrounding it that comes up with such random shit.

"Dad, I need to go to a party this week." I hadn't told him and if I did I know he didn't know about it.

"Oh, yeah sure… just make sure you take whatever pills your friends tell you to take. That's how you become cool"

"_Hey man, are you cool?" Peter asked the nerdy punk. He had his hair spiked, was an anarchist that enjoyed chess._

"_No man, I'm too cool to be cool." He replies as Peter starts punching him because he isn't cool._

"_Now… now that is cool." Peter said with a smirk, the punk was left dying in his own blood._

"_Now that the flash back and cut off scene are nearly over I would just like to remind all my loyal viewers and readers that you can buy primo life insurances for a minimum price. Yes, it comes free with fries and a Big Mac but only if you got 20 grand a week which is the fees you must pay. Yes, please visit Flash Back and Cut off Scene life insurance for idiots and midgets dot com, there we will give you a free quiz where you will find out how you die. 9/10 are computer related accidents, on other news we have installed a new virus on the site that makes your computer explode and accidentally causing deaths."_

"Why the hell did you drag on that ad? I stopped listening about two seconds after you started it." I say with a frown.

"Well, I have to kill time… I'm late for work."

"Oh good, you have a job Peter?" Brian junior said. His father had to die… he met an unfortunate ending.

"_Hey Brian, I have to like kill you now." I say holding a gun._

"_I'm sure you do, let's admit it Stewie, you're too afraid to do anything like that. It will always play in your mind but when it comes to pulling the trigger you don't have the guts. I'm sorry kid."_

"_That's what you think." I pull the trigger but no bullet comes out._

"_What the deuce?" I ask the gun. Brian eats a rotten piece of ham and dies._

"Well, what do you expect, not every flash back has to be great." I tell the family, who have all disappeared.

"Well screw you guys anyways; I don't need any of this shit. I don't need to fucking impress you." I am so excited about the party, I should so totally dress up as a chick, you know to scare all the other people. I'm not gay…….. You're gay!!

I live with my parents and my brother. It was typical that my brother would stay at home and even though he is 30 now, he is a fat homeless man that needs taking care of. Meg had grown up to be rather successfully as a rock star.

"_You new album Man with brains out side of head has reached multi-platinum."_

"_Oh, that's great." Meg said walking home. She lived alone; no matter how successful she was no one ever loved her. She ran up stairs and got her gun. She wrote a suicide note, injected her self with heroin and ate her chocolate bullet. She had become pretty fat eating chocolate bullets and guns. She has lost the weight though. Now she was a chocolate addict. I feel sorry for her, trapped in a world of misbelieve and lies, but who isn't these days?_


End file.
